www.keeprelationships.com Janice, 31, proclaimed that her long-distance relationship was perfect. She is a busy corporate interior designer with clients up and down the country. That's how she met Ben, 35, when making a pitch to one of her northern clients.

Janice explained that the only hiccup was that Ben harped on about one of them moving - either he moving south or Janice north - to be with each other. “Why spoil a perfect thing?” she complained “There's plenty of time to makesuch decision in the future...it's only been 20 months.”

Her relationship is blissful if she wants only the excitement of getting together every so often without the day-to-day grind that really tests a couple. But after nearly two years, Ben's request didn't seem unreasonable. Many people don't have a choice when it comes to long-distance dating but others do, and still opt to keep it that way. For them, distance can become a defence mechanism that keeps you “safe” from what's really going on. It was time to explore what underpinned Janice's desire to maintain their long-distance dating.

It was no surprise that Janice saw Ben as a bit of fun but not permanent partner material. As her business was thriving Ben fulfilled her social and sexual needs as an occasional partner. I challenged her on whether honesty was called for, as Ben viewed their dating differently. With her conscience tweaked, she's now considering how to approach this.

I always recommend opening a discussion on expectations and whether both of your needs can be met by the relationship. If you're keeping yourself “safe” through distance, you'll never learn to face the challenges that real intimacy brings, nor will you develop the give-and-take, patience and respect fundamental to a healthy, intimate relationship. As the saying goes, there's safety in numbers and in this case that means two people, together.

It was no surprise that Janice saw Ben as a bit of fun but not permanent partner material. As her business was thriving Ben fulfilled her social and sexual needs as an occasional partner. I challenged her on whether honesty was called for, as Ben viewed their dating differently. With her conscience tweaked, she's now considering how to approach this.

I always recommend opening a discussion on expectations and whether both of your needs can be met by the relationship. If you're keeping yourself “safe” through distance, you'll never learn to face the challenges that real intimacy brings, nor will you develop the give-and-take, patience and respect fundamental to a healthy, intimate relationship. As the saying goes, there's safety in numbers and in this case that means two people, together.